While a divorce is never easy on anyone, there’s really no telling how your children will react or respond to the news that their family will no longer be together. Especially if you and your former spouse are having custody issues, your relationships with your children can quickly become very strained. Luckily, there are some things you can do to help repair and then maintain these relationships despite the fact that you may have had a rough divorce.
To help you see how this can be possible, here are three tips for maintaining your relationship with your children after a divorce.
Keep Adult Issues Between The Adults
Although things in your personal life may be taking over all other aspects of your life at the moment, it’s important that you don’t allow these issues to become problems that your children feel obligated to face.
When it comes to the types of adult issues that are associated with divorce, Kathleen Shaul, a contributor to Divorce Magazine, recommends that you try to keep them as separate from your kids as possible. To do this, make sure you don’t speak unkindly about your former spouse around your kids, you don’t use your kids to deliver messages to your former spouse, and that you don’t ask your kids about what’s going on in your former spouse’s life.
Stick To Your Routines
One of the biggest reasons kids have a hard time when their parents go through a divorce is due to all the disruption to their normal routines. Because of this, the quicker you’re able to get back to a sense of normalcy, the better your relationships will be with your kids.
To help you in doing this, HelpGuide.org advises that you continue with your traditional rules, rewards, and discipline for your kids all throughout your divorce and beyond. While this might seem counterintuitive as a way to keep your kids close to you, they really do need this sense of routine and boundaries in order to thrive.
Make Your Time Together About Them
When you are able to spend time with your kids, whether that’s on a very regular basis or on a sporadic basis, the best thing you can do during this time is to make it all about them and your relationship with them.
According to Focus On The Family, this doesn’t mean that you have to do big, extravagant things. Even the small, little things like helping with homework or making their favorite meal can help reinforce your love for one another and the bond you still share.
If you’re worried about how your divorce could affect your relationship with your kids, consider using the tips mentioned above to help you maintain these bonds.